Back to school with a plan.

Is your child Timid? Happy? Angry? Scared? Or outgoing?  Let's also say NEW, on top of everything else? I could go on, but, they are too many 'labels' that we all have designated that defines our children. How are you going to define your child on their first day of school to their teacher? Being a foster child is a daunting experience. Having to leave the only family you have ever known; going to a new family; a new school; and now a new "identity" can break your child's spirit. As parents, we must give each child the confidence to enter any environment with a willingness to learn anything new while in your home... and there will be many changes for them while in your home.

The day you meet your child's teacher - give each teacher insightful direction on how to best present your child to the class. Share with their teacher how your child is new to your home, but, we must let the child know--not in your heart. No child should feel unequally as a family member. Teachers need to be aware of this as well. Although, in foster care,you are wanting the child to realize they are a part of your family unit, however, school is one place it becomes apparent they are different.  It's good to start off by mentioning to their teacher some positive attributes of your child. Share with their teachers all their best qualities, while instructing the teacher on how best to keep the child on their positive traits. For instance, "Our little girl who is very outgoing, is also afraid of not being able to make new friends.  Although she is a people pleaser, she has a part of her who wants to always be right. " I would let my teacher know how she is beautiful on the inside as she is on the out. "She has a big heart, with a bigger zeal for her independence." Although only being in your house a short time you have given the teacher the insight to your daughter' strengths. Let the teacher know that math is her favorite and you have found her needing help in reading. All of these small, but insightful details are helpful for your child's education, and future in school. "She has a love for math that we hope she cultivates here in your class, but we have noticed she's less confident in her reading skills."  Remember, your child is always listening to your words... your words that can either encourage or defeat a child's confidence in a new school environment.

Although your child's time spent in your home (or in their new school) maybe unknown; it will make a direct impact on their education. In some settings, you will be in a place where the child is in earshot  and you do not want to give out too much information on why they are with you in front of your child. Any information that could be classified confidential should not be said at on their first day of school.  This is not the place to explain their past or any fears you might have of what might happen in their class. Those items should be held for a scheduled parent / teacher conference when the child or others in the classroom are not present. Sometimes even sitting face to face with their school's counselor is needed. Better yet, even at a group setting with the child's case manager, therapist, as well as the school's counselor, and child's teacher. Schools encourage communication about the specifics of each child in their classrooms. Building teams to help your child's education will give everyone a better outlook on your child's specific needs. When educators  have better knowledge of the children past and present circumstance they will know best how to educate and guide in consist direction.

You have been given a child who needs your help in their educational path. It will be up to you to see  set many events into motion for your child's permanent future.  Education is a huge aspect in foster children's growth. Less than 45% of children in foster care never graduation high school. Don't let your child fall through the cracks while under your care.

Yes, triggers may happen in class.  Parental visits will disrupt your child's school day and therapist and social worker in-school-visits  do not help their consistency in learning. However, we have to help each child's survival needs...you are actively advocating is showing them you care. You are also demonstrating to the educator that the child in your home has a determined parent who will oversee every aspect of their student's educational needs. Be thoughtful and insightful.  In their education and as well as their emotional plan. This is a small but vital part of your child's life that will affect them even after they leave your home.

We are more than caregivers, we are strategic planners. We must plan their structured environments, solid meals, deep rested sleep, and scheduled playdates that will give way to the willingness to learn and create attachments to what they are experiencing. You might think that learning is not affected by their home-life, not seeing their parents, siblings, pets or friends.... but if you were taking from what you knew as "home" or "family" would you be at school thinking of classwork? or would you be at school thinking of when you would see them again? Please pour into your child's emotional needs. Keep positive and constant lines of communication with your child. Having them hear your positivity will lessen the fear, and lessen the distractions they might be having in school.

Educate yourself on all you can about children in care, and how to best advocate for them in every aspect of their lives. Your child will leave your home better educated, loved, and nurtured. It truly is all about their souls, and what we can do in their lives to build a lasting view of themselves. If a child feels loved, in control, and confident; they will have a better chance of resilience in their future.

In His Service,
Tammy
president and founder of +Foster Closet
"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"

When all your child's senses become new memories.

IT'S SUMMERTIME!!

School's out!  The excitement is in the air! The smell ribs smoking on the grill, the feeling of exhilaration as your body swiftly glides across a Slip and Slide, and finally the flavorful taste of homemade ice-cream at a neighborhood social! Now Shhh.... can you hear the sounds of the crickets on the grassy bank of a small rippling creek? Or see the sky filled with glow of fire-flies as you try to capture one in a jar? These are all life-moments to fill each of our Family senses.  Vacations that we will build the bond to store such emotional memories we so carefully render.

As our family invokes on new experiences that will indubitably last a life-time, our children are soaking up all the the goodness of life! We will take the old senses which reminds them of their prior life and create a fresh newness to each sense. We will remove the memory of the sound of loud music which gives way to the memory of person that hurt them. We will try to replace the smell of honeysuckle that was planted along the front of the house that was full of pain. We will take those sad emotions each sense reminds them of sad feelings and replace them with sweet treasured memories!

We have scheduled outings, play-dates, get-a-ways, bucket-wishes to check and places explore! This summer we will help our family nurture those captured heartfelt explorations! Moments that when all the senses come together, will invoke the feeling of intimacy as we forever bond!

Give your children the five senses memories. Invoke the perfect memories that will cause them to seek each smell, feel each touch, hear every heartbeat, see all life has to offer and smell the sweet fagrance of life!!  All that will remind them of you!

Creating a life-long family bond.

In His Service,
Tammy
president and founder of +Foster Closet
"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"

Foster Closet - online

Foster Closet - online: Foster Closet is a volunteer-based free resource to caregivers with foster children. For Duval, Nassau, Clay, St. Johns, Alachua Counties.

Creating acceptance in your foster/adoptive child with confidence.

I witnessed recently my youngest daughter trying to fit in at a private pool. I observed as she built up some bravery to swim up to a group of girls playing together in the pool. They looked like they have known one another for a while. Unknowingly, though just feet away from my gaze, my uninhibited nine-year-old girl found the courage to ask this group of girls if she could play and swim with them. With attentive anticipation, I watched as these privileged six to nine-year-old little girls looked at each other and slowly swim away. I was heartbroken to see my girl, as her face gazed in disbelief. With this act of nonacceptance, the vibrant nine-year-old girl never missed a bit as she turned and swam away from her disappointment to swim and play by herself, with the feeling of freedom from their cliquey environment.  I was amazed when our youngest son came to his sister's defense. He found his heroism as he told the girls how they should be nice to his sister. He boldly defended her right to be accepted. As I viewed from afar, I pondered how they must have felt most of their short eight and nines years of life.

Who truly knows what it's like to go from house to house?  Unless you have. From family to family?  Unless you have. Or from school to school? Unless, of course,  you have been in foster care. Well, my children do. My kids know how it feels to be the "new kid" in a home, the new ones in a new family unit or the new kid in class! They have learned how to adjust to whatever life gives them. Wherever they have been placed from birth to present, they have had to find the ability to adapt. My kids have had to go through the terrible ordeal of having to explain not once, but multiple times why they are not living in their old home? Why are they calling new people mom and dad? They have had to answer, what happened? They never had their identity, but until now!! NOW, we are finding out who they are! With whom they want to become. We have shared with the two of them, how God uniquely created them! Designed to become their future story. Set up to share with fervency by living OUT LOUD their souls within.

My children are not from the sum of their past. My kids if were given the perfect DNA. My children are birthed from God! ALL children in foster care are deeply scarred, yet able to heal. When unloved, they became lovable. When unwanted, they became chosen! As a foster parent, it seems as though your child will never overcome their internal pain or will never grow through the stiffening fear of moving past their secrets. But let me tell you they can! They do! And they will! Don't give up! Let them realize they are who they are and because you love them for every last blemish! "Imperfection seems perfect when seen through the eyes of love! "

I pray our children will see why God has them in the palm of his hand; we show them they can never be shaken from His grasp!

My girl will become the girl that every clique wants to accept. My boy will grow to advocate for others like him. We can teach empowerment before all hope is lost in their eyes. Become a foster / adoptive parent who proves the impossible child is plausible to others around them! We as their parents should always educate and always improving the future of each child.

In His Service 

Tammy 
President and Founder of +Foster Closet

"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"

Mentoring with a purpose!

Mentoring to foster parents should be the calling to all churches...

There are 38 Million households in the US with children in their homes... there are only 184,000 households with at least one foster child in the home and yet, over 400,000 children in foster care. The average household in America has 2700 square ft of living, with the average of 3 bedrooms. If we have enough space for a child, then why don't we have enough room in our heart to care for a child? So you do the math. We need more foster homes!

In my hometown of Jacksonville, FL there are approximately 1500 churches. If each church family took one child/sibling group, I feel we would have foster children with homes. We would have siblings placed together. We would have more children learning how a family with a purpose lives like! I pass at least 40 churches on my 15-mile route to work. What saddens my heart is most don't have more than one foster family in them... or sadly most have none. Why do we have so many believers, who don't want to follow the word in James 1:27, "to look after the widows and orphans?  This is what leads to my plight... that we must mentor, support and pray for our foster parents who are out there, giving our children a home.

Even if you are not called to be a foster parent, is your church body willing to promote fostering? Will you church willing to support a foster family in your own community? Are you willing to sign up as a Godly mentor to a child? All of these questions should be yes! We need to show all God's children the way, the truth, and the life! Are you willing to help our forgotten children?

Usually, our children are put in a bubble because no one wants to hear their stories of abuse, neglect or deep routed pain, however, I am here to say that is why we should hear about their stories. Jesus went into the world to find these special souls to minister His truth. I have seen for myself, if we show God's love to our children, they experience unconditionally love!! I have seen if we demonstrated His love to our children, His light will shine in their lives.

Are you as a member of believers willing to help with us as we support our families? Join us as we give a meal to a foster home, babysit or be a mommy's helper, take a child out to the park and share the gospel of hope to their hurting souls. We are willing to partner with every church as we begin this journey of mentoring foster families with a purpose.

The beginning of fostering can be a leap of faith as our homes who have opened their families, their hearts and their lives to the vast unknown of the child welfare system. Will you help them? Pray for them? or Support them? Please be an active body of believers as we begin this journey WITH THEM!! #mentorwithapurpose


In His Service,
Tammy
president and founder of +Foster Closet
"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"

When Love takes you in... It takes you in FOR GOOD!!

After eleven years of fostering, I can still hear a heart-touching poetic ballad continuously plays in my head, "When love takes you in..." Why this emotionally moving medley? Composed and sung from a father's heart through adoption by recording artist, Steven Curtis Champman. This graceful message of forever love shares the emotional journey that is birthed through adoption. "When love takes you in," has also made an emotional journey into our family's chosen life'swork.

Eleven years ago (February 2005)  two little souls came into our home, our heart and our family. A 13-month-old toddling boy and his 12 day old baby brother still detoxing from birth. Being new to the world of foster care, we were timidly anxious.  God had His plan for these boys in our lives as they would begin our ministry in foster care, the very moment they arrived.

After twenty-one months of loving them, coddling, cradling, teaching them to walk, talk, form sentences, find a sleep routine,  ABCs and 123s... we realized God's greater purpose was we were walk through our obedience as we serve the children in foster care.   These two bright-eyed little boys so full of wonderment were adopted to a couple unable to birth children of their own.  It truly was a God-created family and all to fulfill His will. We are forever changed, as God allowed us to foster them until their forever home.

After the boys adoption, our family had everyone in our home to celebrate this newly formed family. We invited everyone who actively had a part in helping us in their lives. Yes, everyone from their Case-manager who dropped them off on our doorstep at 8:30 am. on a Saturday morning, to the babysitters who rocked them to sleep, so we could sneak away for a date night. We joyfully celebrated this new family to close our chapter in their forever story!

I spent countless hours creating a priceless gift for this mommy and daddy of a DVD.  Sorting through 100s of pictures and precious memories, I wanted to capture every moment their mommy and daddy had missed. I chose pictures of when they were mischievous to those adorable cuddle moments. I needed a perfect song to back up pivotal moments of their sentimental journey. "When love takes you in...", sweetly and sentimentally gave life to this compiled life-movie. I never could listen to that song again without seeing the sweet little boy's faces!...And sadly never saw them again, but I knew this was not the end of our story. It was just the first chapter to our family's life narrative.

The eloquent words of this song have never spoke more clearly than it has Today! "When love takes you in, it takes you in for good!! February 2015, we accepted the call to take two more into our home.  Number sixty and sixty-one were two broken, tortured and abused siblings.... "from adopted". Yes, I said adopted children.

The six-year-old boy was the targeted child. A therapeutic boy, with DMD (Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy) who was never touched with love, locked in a room and denied food. He came to us with an animalistic nature, - a "caged soul" never wanting to trust anyone, but only trusting his 13 months older sister (his constant protector).  His only expressions were to scream, hit himself and spit blood on us. We saw, and even felt his broken spirit and knew he needed a miracle to be whole again. After eleven years and sixty-one children, this was the hardest placement we have ever endured as a foster home. After months of constant love, proper discipline and a structured daily life, he began to trust. He is now a funny, bright and mischievous little boy! It took him six months to say he loved me, and I will cherish those words forever.

As for our baby girl- She is a vibrant soul, who is full of life, natural beauty, who shares her love for others through her positive light. We call her, Supergirl! A Hero to her brother!  Have you ever met a girl who was put on this earth to bring joy, happiness, and love to others? Well, that is our sweet princess. She was meant to do great things for the Lord! And her first call to action, was sharing their abuse with her teachers.... I love her courageous spirit!

As of April 5, 2016, these precious children became apart of a family... forever! Which brings an end of our foster care journey and to the beginning of our family. Also, this is another reason why this beautiful song means so much to me.... We recently had OUR adoption celebration! We invited all our friends and family who had an active part in our children's lives over the last 12 months! I created a movie put to life by this sentimental song with all our children's pictures. I am truly blessed by their  love for our family. As the pages turn to our next chapter of our story - from the chapter titled "The end of foster care" to the final chapter titled "The Beginning of Forever"!

This takes us to where this song began!  The song that impacted on our family's journey, to our path in His Purpose! It begins, and it ends with this sentimental lyrical, "When love takes you in... it takes you in for good"!  They became our final foster children who stayed forever! Now a forever family of six!

The end to our beginning...


Please watch this beautiful video from Steven Curtis Chapman "When love takes you in..."

In His Service,
Tammy
Hope to the broken, Help for the Fatherless,

Foster Children with Special Needs

All foster children have special needs. All foster children are "special",  you know that "not your garden variety kind of kid"? Sure, it's because they are in foster care. Maybe because they've been in more schools than you can count. How about of all the homes they've stayed in throughout their short lived lives.  And always, because they miss their "real families". And why? Because your family is different. Your family with rules,  different foods and culture.  Of course structure plays a big role on why they may feel weird in your home.  But I'm talking about much more....

Everyone was so worried about his therapeutic needs, they put his medical needs on the back burner. Yes, our little boy has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. This is a life-threatening disease that effects a boy's muscles. Other DMD mothers are given this knowledge when their boys are babies or toddlers.... we were given this knowledge one week after bringing in this shattered soul in to our family's new life. Being told that your youngest family member has deep emotional therapeutic needs and a short life-expectancy is a very hard diagnosis to process as a foster mom. Foster parents are here to hold, nurture and heal children as they wait to be reunited with their parents. How do you fully emerge yourself emotional, physical and spiritual, knowing that you will loose a part of each aspect of your soul?

We have never had a case with therapeutic trauma therapist, a Muscular Dystrophy Clinic involvement, a team of ESE teachers and counselors, and multiple yes up to 3 different casemanagers on a team of others.

With a child in foster care, they are already looked at in that special way. Our kids are "those kids".You know the ones, the kids who are seen different from the "norm". You know those kids we label odd or off.  Believe me, I've heard it all. It saddens my heart as their mother. How can my children who were homeless, victims, or brutally abused. When a child has all of the hurts and afflictions of coming into foster care, but have an added disability.  Life is harder for our children in care. Sometimes the system looks at their therapeutic needs and seem to look over their physical needs. Sometimes the opposite. Either way, I'm here to say, life for our that special-needs/garden-variety child will ever be defined by them living in foster care. Life is defined by their living!

Just 13 months ago, we accepted the call to take in two beautiful children. One of the children was the victim of tortured abuse just after six short months after adoption. The six year old boy was the targeted child. He was a therapeutic little boy who was never touched with love.   If this is a "forever" home. This is just one way how our children be come "special-needs". This broken little soul came into our family as an animistic  creature who had never been accepted into any family. His only expression was to scream, hit and spit blood on us. We felt his broken spirit and knew he needed a miracle. Everyone was more worried about his therapeutic needs, yet set aside his medical needs.

Our little boy has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. This is a life-threatening disease that genetically effects boy's by weakening their muscles and paralyzing their bodies. Some DMD moms are given the knowledge as their babies grow.... we were given this knowledge just one week after bringing in this shattered soul in to our family's new life. Being told that your youngest family member has deep emotional therapeutic needy child is hard.  Now we find out the news that he has a short life-expectancy. It was the hardest diagnosis I have ever processed as a mother. Foster parents are here to hold, nurture and heal  the children we hold in our hearts and arms.  How do you fully immerse yourself emotional, physical and spiritual, knowing that you will loose a part of each aspect of your soul? You do it all for the children and for the Lord we serve.

Please find a way to see beyond our children's labels and past to see our children for what God has intended. A life of love. A life of wholeness. A life of acceptance. Please don't give up. Please share with others! Advocate for them! Please inform and educate those who call them different or special.  Our children with hidden or visual disabilities all need to feel equal and accepted. They are not your "garden-variety" children, they are His to be restored and be called uniquely designed.

In His Service,
Tammy
"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"

What it means to be His Mom...

I have a child with DMD (Duchanne's Muscular Distrophy)

I have a child from Foster Care

I have a child from Adoption 

I have a child back to Foster Care

I have a child with PTSD

I have a child with other severe emotinal needs

I have a child that has been saved from tourchure

I have a child who has seen Christ love though our lives

I have a child who knows he is safe our home

I have a child who is safe with each family member

I have a child who has found deep trust in my heart

I have a child who has found a daddy who has given him a new life

I have a child who is still haunted by his past

I have a child who is still miss understood by his peers

I have a child who continuously needs advocating for

I have a child who WILL OVERCOME!

I am a HIS mother who will show him HE IS WORTHY!!


In His Service,
Tammy
president and founder of +Foster Closet
"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"

First Placements

First placements can be scary. You're so excited to be a foster parent! PRIDE is finished, and now you wait. It's 12:30 pm on a Thursday afternoon and phone call comes in from licensing - "It's official, You are licensed"! And then IT happens, a call at 2:00pm,  from "placement"! Wait! WHAT! Wait! Yes! You can be after officially foster parents? If you only say yes? Yes to two little boys 13 months apart, and you will make their 3 placement in 12 days? The voice on the other end of the phone ask, "Can they be apart of your family". But of course I thought about it? For about a SECOND, And said, YES! And in my moment of shock, placement's second question was, do want to know more? Oh, but of course you say - Uh, okay... OH MY YES, Please can you give me anything/everything you know about these precious baby boys?! I want to know everything!!  They share with you all they know, which is very little of ...of NOTHINGNESS!! Yet, again you say, But of Course, YES! Oh ya wait, then you remember you must share this yes with your husband! WHOOPS? Although he has more in depth questions about the children, you say - Duh - YES! And so our family's 11 year journey began into the world of foster care ministry. With 61 souls loved in our home (from infants from the hospital to young adults), it's all now hindsight, that this life is just His big picture! Not knowing then just what the journey is that God planned, you know it will be vast. Be willing to be His open vessel for the "least of these". If not I, then who? Pleaes don't pass up the biggest blessings of our lives.

Just remember, God loves to share His humor with us... be willing to laugh, learn and love!

That is when it hits, you have a 12 day old boy and his brother who is 13 months coming soon and in less than 48 hours!! And then it sinks in... "What did I do"? "Am I ready?" Is our famly ready? Four children under the age of 11?!! OH NO!! What did I say yes to? Do I have what they need?" Do I know all I need to learn? "Will I be everything they need?" "Will Our family change"! This is real. These are all true thoughts we all have had with our first placements. Please don't to be taken lightly. Life does change... and I mean forever. God knows the life you once had is gone, but the life to come, will be to His fulfillment! As you ponder the never-ending anticipation of forgoing thoughts, you must remember you only have less than 48 hours to prepare your heart and your home.  God only knew from that moment on, our first placements forever changed our lives. Forever changed the course of our family-life. Yet more importnatinly forever change our hearts towards each child's souls we've forever touched.

We are blessed, stressed and pressed to finish the journey. Keep the faith new foster parents! Keep the faith with your first placements. Keep the faith, that God doesn't give you a journey that He doesn't personally see to it's end.

Hold on for the ride of your life! I pray if your first placement is your last, it's forever! I pray if your first placement isn't your last, you keep His journey until it's fulfilled. There are to many children who need their first placments to be in your home!

In His Service,

TammyPresident and Founder of +Foster Closet

"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"