Forever Embrace

"The embrace of forever"

Once upon of time there was a stay at home mom, who wanted to increase the size of her typical American family. She asked her husband if this was the time and of course, he said Yes, because he not only loved children, he wanted to be a father again.  When realizing that a baby would not come from the wife,  they thought long and hard about adoption. Contemplating, who to ask, the when, the where...it happened. Life! God! and His Time!
Yes, this is our story.

As one ponders the thought of adoption,  please keep in mind the panoramic view of what is ahead and not just the perspective of what is front of your eyes. The view of a child's picture is their "forever portrait".  I thought I wanted a forever baby.  A baby just like the two God gave me from my belly, but there it was... Time.  Time to think. Time to pray. Time to ask all the questions. Time to want our child. Want for what was the best way to receive our child? All for a baby just like the one I think I should have? Or the one I know that was in my heart. The one who was meant to come just for our family?  For some, waiting is not a smoothest of journeys. It can be a sad, excruciating life-altering circumstance that leads you to many slow, fast, ups and downs, on a roller-coaster ride of events.

For us, waiting taught us exactly how many couples share the hardship of creating a new life through their own anatomies.  John and I lived through the agonizing, painful loss of a miscarriage one our twins I carried when pregnant with our oldest daughter. However, there are others who have felt this life altering the state of emotions consistently, over and over again.  We learned that with in vitro, miscarriages, and yes, failed adoptions, it can be hard to recover both emotionally and financially.  Our miscarriage, was true discouragement while waiting on God's perfect timing for our family. I am not saying that I fully comprehend the depth of other's losses, or the eminence void these beautiful families must be experiencing. All I know is that living by faith is meant to fill the void as we wait on His blessings upon our home. God is meant to share our pain. But more importantly, we must find the blessings that He has already given us to permeate as we wait. We must see the Joy in His goodness through the pain.

The greatest epiphany as a couple was the moment that ushered us into our journey. We saw with clarity that if we adopted a baby from the arms of whom are void of a forever soul, we would be taking a cradled heartbeat from the embrace of angels on earth. Who are we to fell led to be so greedy?  Who are we to not listen and purposefully fulfill, what we are called to do? We are to hand-over these sweet babies, to their true forever homes and to the forever arms of the parents who God intended them to cradle as mommy and daddy.

Waiting is the best time to discern through prayer, and God's Word, why we are called.  Waiting means you realize the path you must follow.  Who and not what will innately design you, as you metamorphose into the definition of a "mommy and daddy".  Following your Path to your Purpose and not your fulfillment of want. We realized that God's plan for our home of fostering, was not adoption, but for our family was to be home for children to find their forever. I am truly grateful for this journey knowing that His purpose was made through our obedience to His Will in our lives.

P.S. Although every baby our family has cradled in our home, in our arms, and our hearts has not stayed, they went forever to loving couples not able to have their biological children, yet were birthed into their family just the same. This is our journey's prophecy fulfilled. Our end to their beginning. 

UPDATE: And finally, in 2016 we were given our final two (sixty and sixty-one) a 7 year old girl and her 6 year old brother, who entered into our foster care for the last time. We were obedient to His Will in fulfilled of His Purpose of our family's foster journey. So, after 13 years, we found our "adoption story" and now we have our forever!

 #foreverembrace

In His Service,

TammyPresident and Founder of +Foster Closet

"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"

When they all call me Mom?

Updated: February 2021

Well let's just say it's been hard learning how to be a foster mom. Do you pretend that all 61 of them look like you? Do you pretend that they all came from your belly? Do you allow them to call you mom, even though they are still having visits with their "real" mom? Yes, by the way... I have even heard, "you aren't my real mom!"  And Yes, I am real, every mom is real, just different. Sometimes it is so hard to know how to be their mom. I want to use this venue to share what has given my life meaning. I also want to give you encounters of countless joys and sorrows that have brought me to my wisdom.

I'm here to share my "mommy" words I have learned over the last 13 plus years as a foster / adoptive mom. The most rewarding job I have to date, is being a mom. The greatest gift ever given, is having a child.  Whether from my belly or the ones who God has given to me through my front door, they are all gifts from heaven. The most challenging purpose on earth is showing what a loving mommy looks like to a hurting child. I hope my life's purpose can give others who are fostering or questioning their path to foster care, a hopeful meaning. 

Being put in the mist of our broken system, you realize that it is not about me being a mommy. Foster Care is about how to maneuver through the biggest system of adults, who have control over the state's children. Adults who think they know what it is like to be this child and to speak for the child. Adults who might have never met the child I love and care for in my home, each and everyday. Even better yet, what is the "best interest of the child" I am so purposefully guiding through my nurturing love. I know what is in their best interest, because I am invested in their every interest. Like an Independent Judge (in his courtroom) once said to the system workers... "who here can say they have helped these children with their homework or tucked them in at night?" I have your Honor!! I may not be the one who can make the legal decisions for this child, but I know what they need. 

More than once I have asked do does the system know what our children in foster are wishes or dreams about?  Do they know the secrets each child holds in their hearts?  I do, because I hold them each night, run to tuck them in when they cry out through a nightmare. I know when and how to discipline, with the proper correction.  I know how to advocate for their voices, because I hear their voices each and everyday.

I can testify, after blindly enduring this world of child welfare,  I came to the realization that I am a volunteer caregiver. Sometimes that word doesn't sound like mommy, mom or momma, but I am. Although I know what is best for my children, my voice is sometimes drowned by the endless murmuring of lawyers, workers, supervisors, therapist, GALs and others who have their 25-30 plus on their caseloads. I don't have caseloads, but I have diapers, temper-tantrums, night terrors, homework, dinner be prepared, endless doctor's and therapy visits. I am the one who rocks these precious children to sleep at night and help them learn how to share their prayers, wishes, hopes and dreams. 

I prove how love works by showing our kids pure love. Love that directly impacts their hurting hearts to heal their most inner souls. True love is about given them hope to their unknown futures. True love is never giving up on what might or might not become. True love is always present when all others leave. I want all children to know true love.

My past, my present and my future is to help those just like me. All the foster mommas, who are too many to count, who just want to continue this wonderful journey of foster care. We are truly called to be foster parents. And I am here to share, who calls me mom, is who I am to teach what a mom means and what she should be or become. Come follow my journey as I share my wisdom through support.

In His Service,
Tammy
president and founder of +Foster Closet
"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"