Taking our memories while "Starting a New"

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)And a time to every purpose, under heaven. "Turn", by the Birds

The Worlds of The Lord: 
Ecclesiastes 3:4-"a time to weep and a time to laugh,  a time to mourn and a time to dance. "

As I look back over the last 12 years that our family was a licensed foster home, and, the one year as an adoptive family.  I find myself pondering all the "moments" in my family's life which has created our family as a whole. After 17 years of bringing up our children, serving the children, and caring for teens within a foster family in our community.  We have closed our home to fostering and moved our forever family to our new home. It was hard leaving the very home where we raised our two older children for from the ages of 3 to 20, and 6 to the age of 23.  In the last 13 of the 17 years time spent in our five bedroom home, we had 61 fostered souls sojourn. God knows how difficult this can be.  Leaving such fond memories, but also, how rewarding our future will become. 

 


As I slowly walked throughout the hallways of the upstairs, I noticed myself peering into each space looking for any remnants or articles of the yesteryears. I am continuously stopped in my tracks by the deafening silence of noises I may never hear again.  I am overwhelmed by the resounding memory of countless belly laughs, whimpers, and cries of a dozen babies as their sounds drift towards my bedroom calling me to their cribs. I can still hear many of the kids playing with my childhood dollhouse on the upstairs balcony. I can see where the super-hero and princes' stickers that cover the inside of their doors. And, where the bunk bed was set now gives way to the memory of all their bedtime routines. Even when I would help each child snuggle into their beds, tuck them in or sing them hymns; then read them a bedtime story. Or kissed their foreheads and whispered goodnight.  I pray they remember those special moments, as much as I did.  "A child's best friend is usually the one telling bedtime stories." Eraldo Banovac.

My emotions are extremely mixed knowing these moments are leaving us behind. I can feel the sadness of my empty arms which gives way to the joy of knowing our home has truly ministered to many little beings permeating throughout our household of faith. The moment when I feel the loss of the child member when they leave my arms and get handed over to another's.... life is forever changed in the McGuire family. "God Puts those in our life who become greater than a memory." me, Tammy McGuire

If these walls could talk, they would say many things that are recollections of when the children entered our home. Our family would witness their eyes telling a story of the feelings they felt as they entered our home for the first time. Some felt fearfulness while others, like babies, that would have that look of an empty shell or hopelessness. When anger would raise its ugly head, I am reminded how the mood of rage is a fine line that can cross to the feeling of loneliness.   It never mattered how they came in, but, it always mattered how they were touched as we watch them leave. "Where we love, is home - that our feet may leave, but not our hearts." - relative adopted parent  Oliver Wendell Holmes. - Chief Justice of the United States.

Sometimes I can still hear the laughter from each silly, sarcastic, and funny family characters who forever permeated the walls of our home. Sometimes I think back to those giggles from the depths of our souls; it makes my laughter turn to sweet tears of joy. Many times when a child would make us laugh, we saw them becoming powerful creatures of who God who created them to be and not that of whom they were. "The laughter of a child is the light of a home,"   Unknown

As I stroll through the house and open each door that leads to another, I find myself looking for traces of memories left. I can still recall the sounds, smells, and the touch of the children we so lovingly served over the last 13 years. The smells of the newborn babies in our arms, as we soothe their

whimpers with our cuddles, and rock them so gently to sleep. I can still smell those silly little boys, the boys who ran throughout the halls and up and down the stairs towards the front door that led them outside front yard to play. I can smell the thousands of meals that I have so lovingly prepared for each of their empty tummies. I have always hoped they could seehow we are blessed, as they taste the bountiful fruits of the Lord's greatness!! Would one ever think that smells live in a home are in memory?  If you have ever been around a child's spirit, then you know they have forever touched yours.  And even the smells are kept in our home's memory, and Forever in my mind! Thank you, Lord, for that! "Of the five senses, smell is the one with the best memory" Rebecca McClanahan


Finally, the touch of a child can still be felt on my cheek as they thank me for fixing a broken toy or kissing boo-boos away. The embrace of their hugs as they wrapped their sweet arms around me and gave way to their trust of love.  I am forever grateful to God for allowing me to have experienced their innocent love and the newness of life. I am thankful for each child and all the sensory moments that I have collected over the years.  Which brings joy, sadness, and closure to the past. "Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created." Esther 4:14


I would like to end this blog with this powerful quote by poet Helen Bush 


                                                        God has given me a place on earth

to be here for a while.

I hope that as I’m passing through

I can make somebody smile

I want to make life easier

For all the ones I meet

I ask God for His blessings

To the strangers on the street.

I hope I’ll never fail a friend

If I can help somehow.

I want to be as generous

As my resources will allow.

And when my life on earth is done.

It will be my final plea

Let someone, somewhere think or say

“You made a difference to me”

-Helen Bush 

TammyPresident and Founder of +Foster Closet

"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"

Getting to know me... Getting to know all about me.

For those who have never met me, let me share my heart behind the leadership of Foster Closet Corporation.

For the first 35 years of my life, I was a girl born and raised Jacksonville, FL from a God-fearing family that had deep roots in the Jacksonville community. I went to Nease High School with the inspiration of singing on broadway. However, at the age of 22, my life took another born-talent and chose a career in cosmetology. At the age of 26, I met my husband, John M. McGuire and we were married in 1993. Soon after we had our first born, Ben and three years later our second, Reagan. I was a devoted stay-at-home mom that loved my Lord, my husband, and children, our family, and the home we created. We were all set for our future as the McGuire Family.

However, when John and I wanted to add more children to our family we found ourselves looking into adopting, however through much prayer we chose foster care in 2005. That is when I found purpose through my love for children. Our journey through the Word of God and with my past life experiences with other foster children, it brought us to our family's purpose. I would have never thought that 13 years later we would become a foster home, we would have cradled 61 children in our home, adopted our last two we fostered and that I would be running the largest free resource in Northeast Florida for the foster care community. Nothing is Impossible when you put your trust in God!! My prayer is that we all seek His Word, Pray before we leap and learn all we can about our direction for the children we seek.

I want to share that my family is so important to me and we allowed our home to have the privilege to minister to "The least of these" Matthew 25:40-45, "The fatherless" Deuteronomy 10:18. My heart's desire is to an advocate, while being the voice of those without voices. Through the years I have seen the value of directing families caring for the children in foster care. Because of these life moments John and I started the first ever support group in Northeast FL for foster parents and in 2018 founded First Coast Foster Adoptive Parent's Association. 

God has so deeply honored me with our nonprofit - The Foster Closet Corp. I would love for you to learn more about my purpose, my passion and my life's fingerprint on this foster care community. I would love for you to come meet the children we serve each day at Foster Closet. 

Please join our Foster Closet family, as we celebrate the children in Northeast FL. by volunteering your time, supporting our cause or donating, by visiting www.fostercloset.org. You will forever be touched at Foster Closet by the joy you will receive from the children we serve. My prayer is to always have a humbled heart and always seek God's directional focus as I help guide the children and the ones who care from them.

You will forever be blessed.

https://www.fostercloset.org

TammyPresident and Founder of +Foster Closet

"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"

Back to school with a plan.

Is your child Timid? Happy? Angry? Scared? Or outgoing?  Let's also say NEW, on top of everything else? I could go on, but, they are too many 'labels' that we all have designated that defines our children. How are you going to define your child on their first day of school to their teacher? Being a foster child is a daunting experience. Having to leave the only family you have ever known; going to a new family; a new school; and now a new "identity" can break your child's spirit. As parents, we must give each child the confidence to enter any environment with a willingness to learn anything new while in your home... and there will be many changes for them while in your home.

The day you meet your child's teacher - give each teacher insightful direction on how to best present your child to the class. Share with their teacher how your child is new to your home, but, we must let the child know--not in your heart. No child should feel unequally as a family member. Teachers need to be aware of this as well. Although, in foster care,you are wanting the child to realize they are a part of your family unit, however, school is one place it becomes apparent they are different.  It's good to start off by mentioning to their teacher some positive attributes of your child. Share with their teachers all their best qualities, while instructing the teacher on how best to keep the child on their positive traits. For instance, "Our little girl who is very outgoing, is also afraid of not being able to make new friends.  Although she is a people pleaser, she has a part of her who wants to always be right. " I would let my teacher know how she is beautiful on the inside as she is on the out. "She has a big heart, with a bigger zeal for her independence." Although only being in your house a short time you have given the teacher the insight to your daughter' strengths. Let the teacher know that math is her favorite and you have found her needing help in reading. All of these small, but insightful details are helpful for your child's education, and future in school. "She has a love for math that we hope she cultivates here in your class, but we have noticed she's less confident in her reading skills."  Remember, your child is always listening to your words... your words that can either encourage or defeat a child's confidence in a new school environment.

Although your child's time spent in your home (or in their new school) maybe unknown; it will make a direct impact on their education. In some settings, you will be in a place where the child is in earshot  and you do not want to give out too much information on why they are with you in front of your child. Any information that could be classified confidential should not be said at on their first day of school.  This is not the place to explain their past or any fears you might have of what might happen in their class. Those items should be held for a scheduled parent / teacher conference when the child or others in the classroom are not present. Sometimes even sitting face to face with their school's counselor is needed. Better yet, even at a group setting with the child's case manager, therapist, as well as the school's counselor, and child's teacher. Schools encourage communication about the specifics of each child in their classrooms. Building teams to help your child's education will give everyone a better outlook on your child's specific needs. When educators  have better knowledge of the children past and present circumstance they will know best how to educate and guide in consist direction.

You have been given a child who needs your help in their educational path. It will be up to you to see  set many events into motion for your child's permanent future.  Education is a huge aspect in foster children's growth. Less than 45% of children in foster care never graduation high school. Don't let your child fall through the cracks while under your care.

Yes, triggers may happen in class.  Parental visits will disrupt your child's school day and therapist and social worker in-school-visits  do not help their consistency in learning. However, we have to help each child's survival needs...you are actively advocating is showing them you care. You are also demonstrating to the educator that the child in your home has a determined parent who will oversee every aspect of their student's educational needs. Be thoughtful and insightful.  In their education and as well as their emotional plan. This is a small but vital part of your child's life that will affect them even after they leave your home.

We are more than caregivers, we are strategic planners. We must plan their structured environments, solid meals, deep rested sleep, and scheduled playdates that will give way to the willingness to learn and create attachments to what they are experiencing. You might think that learning is not affected by their home-life, not seeing their parents, siblings, pets or friends.... but if you were taking from what you knew as "home" or "family" would you be at school thinking of classwork? or would you be at school thinking of when you would see them again? Please pour into your child's emotional needs. Keep positive and constant lines of communication with your child. Having them hear your positivity will lessen the fear, and lessen the distractions they might be having in school.

Educate yourself on all you can about children in care, and how to best advocate for them in every aspect of their lives. Your child will leave your home better educated, loved, and nurtured. It truly is all about their souls, and what we can do in their lives to build a lasting view of themselves. If a child feels loved, in control, and confident; they will have a better chance of resilience in their future.

In His Service,
Tammy
president and founder of +Foster Closet
"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"

When all your child's senses become new memories.

IT'S SUMMERTIME!!

School's out!  The excitement is in the air! The smell ribs smoking on the grill, the feeling of exhilaration as your body swiftly glides across a Slip and Slide, and finally the flavorful taste of homemade ice-cream at a neighborhood social! Now Shhh.... can you hear the sounds of the crickets on the grassy bank of a small rippling creek? Or see the sky filled with glow of fire-flies as you try to capture one in a jar? These are all life-moments to fill each of our Family senses.  Vacations that we will build the bond to store such emotional memories we so carefully render.

As our family invokes on new experiences that will indubitably last a life-time, our children are soaking up all the the goodness of life! We will take the old senses which reminds them of their prior life and create a fresh newness to each sense. We will remove the memory of the sound of loud music which gives way to the memory of person that hurt them. We will try to replace the smell of honeysuckle that was planted along the front of the house that was full of pain. We will take those sad emotions each sense reminds them of sad feelings and replace them with sweet treasured memories!

We have scheduled outings, play-dates, get-a-ways, bucket-wishes to check and places explore! This summer we will help our family nurture those captured heartfelt explorations! Moments that when all the senses come together, will invoke the feeling of intimacy as we forever bond!

Give your children the five senses memories. Invoke the perfect memories that will cause them to seek each smell, feel each touch, hear every heartbeat, see all life has to offer and smell the sweet fagrance of life!!  All that will remind them of you!

Creating a life-long family bond.

In His Service,
Tammy
president and founder of +Foster Closet
"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"

Foster Closet - online

Foster Closet - online: Foster Closet is a volunteer-based free resource to caregivers with foster children. For Duval, Nassau, Clay, St. Johns, Alachua Counties.

Creating acceptance in your foster/adoptive child with confidence.

I witnessed recently my youngest daughter trying to fit in at a private pool. I observed as she built up some bravery to swim up to a group of girls playing together in the pool. They looked like they have known one another for a while. Unknowingly, though just feet away from my gaze, my uninhibited nine-year-old girl found the courage to ask this group of girls if she could play and swim with them. With attentive anticipation, I watched as these privileged six to nine-year-old little girls looked at each other and slowly swim away. I was heartbroken to see my girl, as her face gazed in disbelief. With this act of nonacceptance, the vibrant nine-year-old girl never missed a bit as she turned and swam away from her disappointment to swim and play by herself, with the feeling of freedom from their cliquey environment.  I was amazed when our youngest son came to his sister's defense. He found his heroism as he told the girls how they should be nice to his sister. He boldly defended her right to be accepted. As I viewed from afar, I pondered how they must have felt most of their short eight and nines years of life.

Who truly knows what it's like to go from house to house?  Unless you have. From family to family?  Unless you have. Or from school to school? Unless, of course,  you have been in foster care. Well, my children do. My kids know how it feels to be the "new kid" in a home, the new ones in a new family unit or the new kid in class! They have learned how to adjust to whatever life gives them. Wherever they have been placed from birth to present, they have had to find the ability to adapt. My kids have had to go through the terrible ordeal of having to explain not once, but multiple times why they are not living in their old home? Why are they calling new people mom and dad? They have had to answer, what happened? They never had their identity, but until now!! NOW, we are finding out who they are! With whom they want to become. We have shared with the two of them, how God uniquely created them! Designed to become their future story. Set up to share with fervency by living OUT LOUD their souls within.

My children are not from the sum of their past. My kids if were given the perfect DNA. My children are birthed from God! ALL children in foster care are deeply scarred, yet able to heal. When unloved, they became lovable. When unwanted, they became chosen! As a foster parent, it seems as though your child will never overcome their internal pain or will never grow through the stiffening fear of moving past their secrets. But let me tell you they can! They do! And they will! Don't give up! Let them realize they are who they are and because you love them for every last blemish! "Imperfection seems perfect when seen through the eyes of love! "

I pray our children will see why God has them in the palm of his hand; we show them they can never be shaken from His grasp!

My girl will become the girl that every clique wants to accept. My boy will grow to advocate for others like him. We can teach empowerment before all hope is lost in their eyes. Become a foster / adoptive parent who proves the impossible child is plausible to others around them! We as their parents should always educate and always improving the future of each child.

In His Service 

Tammy 
President and Founder of +Foster Closet

"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"

Mentoring with a purpose!

Mentoring to foster parents should be the calling to all churches...

There are 38 Million households in the US with children in their homes... there are only 184,000 households with at least one foster child in the home and yet, over 400,000 children in foster care. The average household in America has 2700 square ft of living, with the average of 3 bedrooms. If we have enough space for a child, then why don't we have enough room in our heart to care for a child? So you do the math. We need more foster homes!

In my hometown of Jacksonville, FL there are approximately 1500 churches. If each church family took one child/sibling group, I feel we would have foster children with homes. We would have siblings placed together. We would have more children learning how a family with a purpose lives like! I pass at least 40 churches on my 15-mile route to work. What saddens my heart is most don't have more than one foster family in them... or sadly most have none. Why do we have so many believers, who don't want to follow the word in James 1:27, "to look after the widows and orphans?  This is what leads to my plight... that we must mentor, support and pray for our foster parents who are out there, giving our children a home.

Even if you are not called to be a foster parent, is your church body willing to promote fostering? Will you church willing to support a foster family in your own community? Are you willing to sign up as a Godly mentor to a child? All of these questions should be yes! We need to show all God's children the way, the truth, and the life! Are you willing to help our forgotten children?

Usually, our children are put in a bubble because no one wants to hear their stories of abuse, neglect or deep routed pain, however, I am here to say that is why we should hear about their stories. Jesus went into the world to find these special souls to minister His truth. I have seen for myself, if we show God's love to our children, they experience unconditionally love!! I have seen if we demonstrated His love to our children, His light will shine in their lives.

Are you as a member of believers willing to help with us as we support our families? Join us as we give a meal to a foster home, babysit or be a mommy's helper, take a child out to the park and share the gospel of hope to their hurting souls. We are willing to partner with every church as we begin this journey of mentoring foster families with a purpose.

The beginning of fostering can be a leap of faith as our homes who have opened their families, their hearts and their lives to the vast unknown of the child welfare system. Will you help them? Pray for them? or Support them? Please be an active body of believers as we begin this journey WITH THEM!! #mentorwithapurpose


In His Service,
Tammy
president and founder of +Foster Closet
"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"