Friday, January 12, 2018

The struggles of PTSD

Sometimes you look at your child who has been through so much and see this soul full of promise! A being that feels whole and gives you a peace of accomplishment... "He's come such a long way"!! And then IT happens, an "episode". What does that look like, you might ask? One minute you have a compliant child, the next you have a child looking blank at you and beginning to shut down, or better yet, revert to his toddler years. When a child has been so horrifically victimized by the very same people he was supposed to trust and stay safe forever, that is when the child's brain learns to protect itself.  This is when those moments overcome us with the continual anticipation of the emotional rug being pulled out from underneath us.

As a parent, you feel helpless to manage their outburst and your reaction to the outburst. You try to understand the reason and rhyme of it all... but when it comes down to it, you just can't. You have to come to the conclusion that your child's brain has forever been altered by the prior abusers and they have put a mark on your child. That is why they react to certain circumstances they cannot control. And better yet, how they react to you.

The worst call as a parent is when you can get from school's principal telling you your son is being baker-acted! Baker-act is when you must provide individuals with emergency services and temporary detention for mental health evaluation and treatment when required, either on a voluntary or an involuntary basis. This is a process where the child stays overnight for 48-72 hours. Our son was only six, that's right 6 years of age when it happened to us! Having to know my little boy and others like him, are being placed in the backseat of a police car and all because adults were frightened of him, yes frightened, that saddens me to utter those words. When arriving at the mental health institution, I had to be buzzed in to see my child. Once through the door, I was met by my blanked-face little boy and a police officer. He told me he didn't have to handcuff him... what! handcuff a six-year-old?  After waiting in the small cramped lobby, we watched older teens come in with handcuffs and calmly know what to do and what was expected of them. It was almost as though they chose to act out so that they could arrive at this mental health institution. I was so saddened and tried to hold back my tears. Better yet, having to watch your child undress and be examine by a stranger to see if he had any bruises from his self-harming. And when your little one ask if he is staying and where you are going is so difficult to answer. Then finally having to watch this little child walk through those big double doors to good-bye and not knowing who long he would stay and not being able to speak to those taking care of my child.

In all my 13 years of fostering, I had never come across such a child who was likened to have untrained-animalist tendencies. Once a child has been brought to that moment, they realize they are not worthy of life. If you are 5/6 years old and have come to that conclusion, why even try. There are children in foster care who have had many more years of continual abuse, to which the damage is greater to their growing and every changing brains. How do they trust? How do they process? How do they determined to know who is good and when will that "good" person switch to hurting them. I'm sure that hearing anything negative come out of an adult around these children, can be processed as - "WHEN I SAY NO !" ... hurt follows.

Having a child who was deemed "tortured" by The Department of Children and Families, you truly cannot imagine what their brain was gone through. At the time of adoption, you are able to read the court's transcripts of your child's life, that is when reality sets in. You find out that prior to birth was extremely dangerous for this child, no prenatal care, born addicted to many drugs, shown pictures of your future son all hooked up to so many tubes and wires helping him survive... and that is just the beginning of their life.

I am here to say there is HOPE! Yes, you must pray to love throughout the pain, frustration, and fear but love is truly not enough! First, medication is a must for children like ours, although not forever. Second, we must follow through with consistency to our threats. IF you say the child has to go to bed early that night, stay the course. They will learn to manipulate through their survival skills, you must take a firm (but loving) stand and follow through with your parenting. Third, we must give affirmation when the child succeeds in self-calming or staying on task. Finally, never give up on therapy! Starting out with trauma therapy is essential for a child to process and control their feelings, emotions and physical actions. This process also helps the family learn, process and control their child. After discharged from over one year of trauma therapy, we switched to traditional and post-adoption therapy. I am a true believer that once a child learns why, they and the family must learn how to keep the self-calming, and self-control of their daily triggers and outburst.

I promise it is the hardest life-event you will ever experience if you have a PTSD child, however, to see a positive progression is the reward for your due diligence. Learn more about your child and his or her's mental health, then apply it to your daily routine and stay the course of action given to you by your mental health specialist. You will be whole, your family will be whole, or as whole as the child can be with a mental health diagnosis can be.

In His Service,
Tammy
president and founder of +Foster Closet
"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"

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