When they all call me Mom?

Updated: February 2021

Well let's just say it's been hard learning how to be a foster mom. Do you pretend that all 61 of them look like you? Do you pretend that they all came from your belly? Do you allow them to call you mom, even though they are still having visits with their "real" mom? Yes, by the way... I have even heard, "you aren't my real mom!"  And Yes, I am real, every mom is real, just different. Sometimes it is so hard to know how to be their mom. I want to use this venue to share what has given my life meaning. I also want to give you encounters of countless joys and sorrows that have brought me to my wisdom.

I'm here to share my "mommy" words I have learned over the last 13 plus years as a foster / adoptive mom. The most rewarding job I have to date, is being a mom. The greatest gift ever given, is having a child.  Whether from my belly or the ones who God has given to me through my front door, they are all gifts from heaven. The most challenging purpose on earth is showing what a loving mommy looks like to a hurting child. I hope my life's purpose can give others who are fostering or questioning their path to foster care, a hopeful meaning. 

Being put in the mist of our broken system, you realize that it is not about me being a mommy. Foster Care is about how to maneuver through the biggest system of adults, who have control over the state's children. Adults who think they know what it is like to be this child and to speak for the child. Adults who might have never met the child I love and care for in my home, each and everyday. Even better yet, what is the "best interest of the child" I am so purposefully guiding through my nurturing love. I know what is in their best interest, because I am invested in their every interest. Like an Independent Judge (in his courtroom) once said to the system workers... "who here can say they have helped these children with their homework or tucked them in at night?" I have your Honor!! I may not be the one who can make the legal decisions for this child, but I know what they need. 

More than once I have asked do does the system know what our children in foster are wishes or dreams about?  Do they know the secrets each child holds in their hearts?  I do, because I hold them each night, run to tuck them in when they cry out through a nightmare. I know when and how to discipline, with the proper correction.  I know how to advocate for their voices, because I hear their voices each and everyday.

I can testify, after blindly enduring this world of child welfare,  I came to the realization that I am a volunteer caregiver. Sometimes that word doesn't sound like mommy, mom or momma, but I am. Although I know what is best for my children, my voice is sometimes drowned by the endless murmuring of lawyers, workers, supervisors, therapist, GALs and others who have their 25-30 plus on their caseloads. I don't have caseloads, but I have diapers, temper-tantrums, night terrors, homework, dinner be prepared, endless doctor's and therapy visits. I am the one who rocks these precious children to sleep at night and help them learn how to share their prayers, wishes, hopes and dreams. 

I prove how love works by showing our kids pure love. Love that directly impacts their hurting hearts to heal their most inner souls. True love is about given them hope to their unknown futures. True love is never giving up on what might or might not become. True love is always present when all others leave. I want all children to know true love.

My past, my present and my future is to help those just like me. All the foster mommas, who are too many to count, who just want to continue this wonderful journey of foster care. We are truly called to be foster parents. And I am here to share, who calls me mom, is who I am to teach what a mom means and what she should be or become. Come follow my journey as I share my wisdom through support.

In His Service,
Tammy
president and founder of +Foster Closet
"Mom to the Broken - Hope to the Fatherless"